I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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