No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
