just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
