I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love having hate sex.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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