I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
