kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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