Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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