I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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