WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
