I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
