my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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