dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
