Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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