She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
