Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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