foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
