Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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