I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
