After last night, I could never be a politician.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
