We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
