she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize