So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
