I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
