he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
