I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
