hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
