How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
