I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
