all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
