The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize