I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
