I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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