found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
