Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How external is "for external use only"?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
