used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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