i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
