Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize