You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
