Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
