i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
