i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize