kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
