I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she told me i tasted like america
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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