I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
