Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
