Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
