but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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