you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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