I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
