This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
