chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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