The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
