what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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