tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
