Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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