And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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