Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
