So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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