Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Terrible idea I love it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
