i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i think i just lost a toe
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize