Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize