When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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