HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
