so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
