there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
