I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
