you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
