Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
