Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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