she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
