Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
