Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize