did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
