apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
