pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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