so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
