Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You may now shotgun with the bride
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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