I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
