Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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