Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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