So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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