HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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