It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize