Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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