Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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