alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
