her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
