Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
