if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
