Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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