think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
