you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I intend to get homeless drunk
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
