So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
