i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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