i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
