just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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