awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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